Incest - Overt

Basic Information

Overt incest is one of the most truly terrifying and traumatic events a child can be expected to experience. There is a loss of choice, of power, of trust that a child feels when she or he becomes sexually incested or sexually abused by an adult, most often a family member. Because the child feels insecure and threatened, either directly or indirectly, by the perpetrator into keeping quiet, a wall of silence builds and the child often endures the sexual incest out of a fearfulness to anger the abuser or out of guilt that by revealing "the secret" the family structure, even if built on quicksand, will dissolve and that somehow the child will be at fault.

Astonishingly, it is estimated that over 40 million adults in the U.S. were sexually abused as children -- it is not something that "only happens to others" or is a rare incident, as many people assume. It is a widespread problem that has the ability to leave unhealed scars not only on the childhood years but all through the adult years of the sexually abused child as well.

Most sexual abuse cases involving children in the U.S. are incestuous, involving sexual intercourse or molestation by a family member or member of the family household. Thus the child already knows the perpetrator and is dependent on this person. People in dependent relationships rarely challenge or "speak up to" those in authority -- this is especially true of a child who is dependent on a parent. Even if a child feels anxious, uncomfortable and violated, the child is either too frightened or too afraid of losing affection to break the wall of silence.

Also he or she may eventually come to believe that it is the parent's right to do as he or she pleases with the child. Often the parent indicates directly or indirectly that the child is his or her property and can be sexualized at will. Thus the child, often terrified and bewildered, cooperates with the abuser. These children are victims who have no say in the matter and have not yet matured enough to feel enlightened about the true nature of abuse they are suffering. In fact adult survivors of overt incest often report that sometimes they even enjoyed the sexual feelings, having confused the adult's selfish advances with appropriate affection. This can be a cause of great guilt and shame as can the feeling that they themselves as children somehow seduced the adult sexual abuser -- that they "brought it on themselves" by somehow unconsciously inviting the sexual lusts and unwanted advances of the adult. This is called internalizing fault.

75% of incest cases involve father and daughter;
25% of incest cases involve father and son, mother and son, mother and daughter, and brother and sister
Nearly 80% of cases involving father and daughter incest involve men other than the blood father, i.e. a stepfather or live-in boyfriend.

Incest usually occurs in families where there is extreme dysfunction and disorganization and generational boundaries are no longer recognized. Alcohol and/or drug abuse regularly play a part in the disintegration of the family's healthy structure and breaks down good judgment and sexual restraints and inhibitions that might remain intact without intoxicating factors.

A girl who is continuously incested by her father over time can grasp little distinction between emotional closeness and sexual intimacy. It is she who must carry the family secret of shame and feels the additional burden of being responsible for holding the family together. If she reveals all, complete destruction of the family will occur. Thus she comes to believe that it is in her own best interests as well as in everyone else's for her to maintain the status quo and be the keeper of the guilty secret.

Her mother may turn a blind eye -- she may be absent at work when the incest occurs and may be an unconscious participant in the father-daughter incestuous relationship, withdrawing from sexual relations herself with her husband and developing a purposeful obliviousness to signs of her husband's inappropriate sexual behavior. This again is done to protect the status quo. Even if her daughter tells her about the incest, the mother often goes into denial, insisting her daughter is overreacting or even lying, for the mother fears an emotional family breakdown and breakup, as well as potential economic ruin. Thus, in many cases, each family member continues to perpetuate the myth that nothing is really happening.

Most reports of overt incest involve girls -- physicians in the U.S. are mandatory child abuse reporters since it is against the law for an adult to have sexual relations with a child. But it is thought that child incest, especially cases involving boys, is under reported, and consequently, undiagnosed. Cases that are reported generally involve father-son or adult male relative and boy. Yet numerous cases involve mother-son, female relative and boy, female neighbor and boy or female babysitter and boy. In these cases there is often little physical evidence to corroborate a claim of female-boy sexual contact and there is the erroneous assumption that boys don't mind being seduced by an older female -- they're males after all and "like sex." But the balance of power, trust and choice is compromised nonetheless and, unacknowledged, can lead to a dysfunction and inability to form stable intimate relations in the adult male's life.

Overt incest can be defined to include sexual abuse in any dependent relationship between an adult and adolescent such as teacher and student, doctor and patient or minister and member of the church. The number of child victims of pedophiliacs (who are not family members) is unknown, but the majority of pedophiliacs are male (80%) whose prepubescent fantasies are generally about young girls (75%). Often, very distressed, many seek help before acting out their fantasies. But others do molest or try to molest children -- but the myth that these acts are committed under the influence of drugs or alcohol is just that -- a myth. Alcohol and drug use is almost always absent, in direct contrast to familial incest, and only a minority of sexually abused children develop pedophilia, again in contrast to familial incest where there is a somewhat higher incidence for the incested child to become an adult sexual abuser.

It is thought that incest between a slightly older sibling or cousin and a younger sibling is a less traumatic experience than incest from a parent or uncle, unless a rape occurred.

Symptoms

Diagnosing sexual abuse due to incest in a child is often difficult, as evidence in a clinical setting may not be brought forth by either child, out of fear, or by parent, out of embarrassment and avoidance of legal ramifications. Signs in a child of withdrawal, shyness, depression or, especially in boys, of aggressive, anti-social behavior may be indicative of sexual abuse but not conclusive as they may be symptomatic of other disorders. Physical evidence can be conclusive -- testing the child for sexually transmitted diseases such as gonorrhea, chlamydia, syphilis, and herpes may be indicated and smears taken from the child's orifices may show evidence of sperm, pointing to the probability of sexual abuse.

Often an adolescent girl will reach the stage where she rebels at her father's overcontrol and authority when it comes to dictating her behavior in social situations and at school and she may confide in a counselor about her incest experiences.

Diagnosis/Treatment

Diagnosis should be made by an experienced, compassionate health care provider based on physical evidence as well as history of incest/sexual abuse from the child and, when cooperative, other family members for corroboration.

Treatment must focus on: a) elimination of any STDs; b) vigorous follow-up of the child with appropriate gentle counseling; c) preventive counseling for families of children whose siblings have been diagnosed with having been incested. Preventive counseling for families at risk -- especially single-parent families whose adult members have a limited network of support and friendship with other adults has shown some success. Appropriate intimacy between child and parent can be addressed. Noncustodial parents can learn about appropriate sleeping arrangements and privacy during the child's visitation periods.

Health care providers must realize that children are not autonomous and must be willing to intervene and take appropriate action in the child's behalf no matter how unpleasant the task, or they themselves and the health care system they represent become part of the child's cycle of abuse.

Adult survivors of incest have a good chance of healing if they are able to work through their denial, admit that they were indeed the innocent victims of incest and not the causative agent, and to express their feelings which have usually long been repressed. A righteous anger needs to be expressed and an admission of the loss and years of unhappiness can help clean the slate of guilt and shame. Those who cling to the secret or try to believe the enormity of the consequences continue to live in denial and experience unfulfilling and sometimes disastrous intimate relationships later in life.

It is important for these adult survivors to find a sympathetic knowledgeable health care provider who can give ongoing counseling to the survivor as well as recommend support groups such as Incest Survivors Anonymous where survivors can share their experience, strength and hope with other members who have had similar incest experiences. Over time, the adult survivor of incest can experience healing and build a bridge to appropriate intimate relationships for themselves.

Additional Resource(s):

Incest Survivors Anonymous 213-422-1632
National Child Abuse Hotline 800-422-4453
Survivors of Incest Anonymous 301-282-3400